There's Always One
by NoteIsSignedLC
Summary: Hotch deals with ghosts of his past, and possibly future. Set during Season 3's "Lo-Fi" and Season 4's "Mayhem." AU. M for language.


Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They are property of CBS. If I owned them, things sure would be different.

_**True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen. – François de La Rochefoucauld**_

It had been a rough week for Aaron Hotchner. His old friend, Kate Joyner, had called him from New York begging for help on a series of shootings. And now, they concluded it might be terrorism.

He sat at the window of his hotel room, staring out into the New York City skyline. He remembered 9/11 clearly. And now, there was another threat looming on the horizon. He probably wouldn't have accepted this case if it hadn't been for Kate's insistence. She was a damned good agent. The FBI was lucky to have her.

They had liaised previously, when she was at Scotland Yard. He knew JJ and Prentiss were joking behind his back. How much she looked like Haley. He couldn't help but wonder if their resemblance was the reason he came to New York.

There had been nothing between them before. He was happily married. He hadn't looked then. He hadn't looked now. As far as he was concerned, Haley was the only woman for him. Still, though, he wondered if he should capitalize on all those lingering feelings for Haley.

He hated feeling egotistical, but he knew Kate wouldn't turn him down if he showed up at her apartment. Hotch cracked open the mini-bar and selected a bottle of whiskey. He poured the contents into a glass and sipped. He needed to think this through.

If he chose to spend the night with Kate, he would violate all of his principles. Other agents were off-limits. And the only reason he was remotely attracted to her was Haley, right? She had the same hair, same smile, same eyes. It made him miss her even more.

He finished the whiskey, cursed, and in a fit of temper through the glass against the wall. How could Haley leave him like this? Alone, and pondering sleeping with her doppelganger. If he couldn't have reality, he might as well settle for fantasy, and the next best thing.

He grabbed his suit jacket, slammed the hotel room door and stalked to the elevator. Garcia and Reid both peeked out of their rooms, and shrugged at each other.

Hotch stalked across the lobby and nearly knocked over the doorman. If he was going to do this, he couldn't think. He hailed a cab and called out Kate's address to the cabbie.

He sat in the back silently. He watched New York go by. It was two in the morning and the amount of people on the street amazed him. He had been everywhere in the country, and nothing was like New York. He had brought Haley here, once, right after they married, and memories remained.

The cabbie dropped him off at Kate's apartment building. He paid the fare, and stepped from the cab. He looked up, trying to decide whether to do this or not. "Fuck it."

He approached the doorman, and asked him to buzz him in. He did. Hotch ran up three stories to her apartment. He knocked on the door, then pounded a little harder when she didn't answer.

Kate finally answered. "Aaron, what are – ?" He kissed her. Probably a little harder than he should have. She kissed him back. His mind was screaming, this isn't right. It's not Haley. He broke the kiss, and backed away. "Kate, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

He spun on his heel and bolted down the hall. Thoroughly disoriented, Kate's eyes followed him. She shook her head, and shut the door.

He decided to walk back to the hotel. He was armed. What the hell. No one would dare mess with a guy who looked like a fed. In a matter of twenty minutes, he'd managed to rip open the healing wound of the divorce and pour salt in it. And possibly jeopardize a friendship he'd had for years.

When he made it back to the hotel, it was nearly dawn. Rossi was waiting in the lobby. "Where have you been all night?"

"Walking."

"You weren't answering your phone."

Hotch felt his jacket. "I left it upstairs."

Rossi tossed a bland look to his friend. "Or is it at Kate's?"

Hotch shook his head. "I left it upstairs. Nothing happened, OK?" He brushed past Rossi and headed for the elevator.

Rossi got in the elevator with him. "She looks a lot like Haley, Aaron."

"But she's not Haley. I kissed her, just to see if it was the same, and it's not."

"So something did happen?"

"I got there, I woke her up, I kissed her, and I left. Today's going to be a bitch dealing with this case."

"I'm sure she'll understand."

"I crossed the line, Dave. Now it's a matter of reestablishing professionalism with her. She's the SAC. I fucked up."

They stepped from the elevator at the same time. "Everyone does, Aaron. It just means that you're human."

Hotch walked to his room. He saw his cell phone blinking on the bed. He took off his gun, and flopped backwards. He sent Rossi a text – Wake me in 3 hours. Thanks, AH.

He fell asleep, but his dreams were tortured by Haley and Kate.

He arrived at the command center before everyone, with the exception of Kate. "Good morning." She eyed him suspiciously.

He took her by the elbow. "We need to talk."

She led him into the office and shut the door. "So what was last night about? You bang on my door, snog me like there's no tomorrow and just leave?"

Hotch looked at his shoes and sighed. "I'm very sorry for last night. I… Displacement."

It finally hit Kate. "Because I look like Haley…."

"Yes, and I'm sorry. I'll go back to Quantico if you want."

She waved her hand in the air. "No, that's not necessary. We have a terror cell to catch, and we need you. It's all forgiven."

"Thanks, Kate."

Ten hours later, she was dead, and he was injured. They broke the cell, and Morgan risked his life to save hundreds, if not thousands of innocents.

He went to the operating room. She was gone. Gently, he covered her foot. He needed to get away. He walked outside the hospital, ears ringing and incredibly achy. His heart ached. For a moment, it was like looking at Haley on the table. He never wanted to see that sight. He couldn't imagine Haley dead. He needed to call her. To make sure she was fine.

He took his cell phone out, scrolled down to Haley's name and dialed.

"Hey, it's me…."


End file.
